Don't Know What You've Got Until It's Gone
by ExplicitXxXBitch
Summary: Ember Barrone and Dean Ambrose (Jonathan Good) dated in high school. He was her first love, and then he went off to pursue his dream, as a professional wrestler, leaving her hurt and slightly bitter. When their paths cross again at a NXT show, where she's supporting boyfriend Damien Sandow, will he realize what he left behind? And what will he do as a result? r&r t/m rating
1. SUMMARY & DISCLAIMER

**DISCLAIMER**

_**** I OWN NOTHING BUT MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND THE PLOT OF THIS FANFIC. i DO NOT OWN THE WWE, NOR DO I OWN ANY OF THE SUPERSTARS USED. BUT IF I DID...****_

_**GO VOTE ON MY PROFILE NOW, TO INDICATE WHETHER YOU THINK SHE SHOULD STAY WITH DEAN, OR WIND UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE ENTIRELY. THE VOTES I GET DEPEND ON WHAT DIRECTION THE MIDDLE/ENDING OF THIS STORY TAKES.**_

**CHARACTERS USED**

_DEAN AMBROSE_

_DAMIEN SANDOW_

_ORIGINAL CHARACTER_

**RATED TEEN/M**

_FOR SWEARING AND DIRTY HUMOR, VIOLENCE, VERBAL ABUSE.._

**XX THE ONE YOU NEVER GOT OVER XX  
**

_EMBER BARRONE AND DEAN AMBROSE, ALSO KNOWN AS JONATHAN GOOD, GREW UP TOGETHER IN CINCINATTI. THEY DATED IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND HE WAS HER FIRST LOVE UNTIL HE LEFT HER TO GO OFF, PURSUE A CAREER IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. SHE NEVER REALLY GOT OVER HIM, BUT SHE'S ALSO BITTER.  
_

_NOW SHE'S 25 AND HER OWN CAREER AS A DANCE INSTRUCTOR/MODEL IS TAKING OFF, AND HER PATH CROSSES WITH HIS AGAIN, ONLY THIS TIME, HE'S THE ONE WHO REALIZES THAT HE WALKED AWAY FROM LOVE. THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THIS IS THAT SHE'S DATING DAMIEN SANDOW, AND SHE'S DETERMINED TO IGNORE DEAN'S ADVANCES, AND RUB IN THE FACT THAT SHE GREW UP AND MOVED ON._

_BUT WHEN DEAN REALIZES HOW DAMIEN TREATS HER, CAN HE REALLY KEEP ACTING LIKE 'DEAN AMBROSE?' OR WILL HIS REAL PERSONALITY KICK IN ? _

_NOTHING'S EVER REALLY OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER... AND FOR DEAN AMBROSE AND EMBER BARRONE, IT JUST MIGHT NOT EVER BE OVER._


	2. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND PT 1

**WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND**

Ember sat up, stretching in the California king sized bed she shared with her boyfriend of a year, professional wrestler, Aaron Haddad, better known as Damien Sandow of NXT/WWE. Her mind was foggy from this recurring dream she had, yet again the night before and really, she'd have loved to go back to sleep, and get back to it, but of course, she couldn't.

Today, she was supposed to be flying out to meet her boyfriend and go to one of the shows, maybe spend her own off time on the road, travelling with him.

She sighed as she stood in the mirror, raked her hand through her brunette hair and picked up the toothbrush, started to brush her teeth, her mind going back over the heated argument she and her boyfriend had on the phone the night before, and the very hot dream she had about her former boyfriend, Jonathan, whom she hadn't seen nor heard from since they graduated and he left town, to supposedly become a professional wrestler himself.

"I wonder if he ever made it." Ember said wistfully as she spat the toothpaste into the sink, scowling as she heard Aaron's nagging about it almost as if he were standing right beside her.

Lately, their relationship had taken a really bad turn and Ember wanted to end it with him, but every time she'd prepare herself to do just that, Aaron would treat her like a princess, promise never to do the things he'd done, ever again.

And stupidly, every single time, she'd allow herself to believe him.

She fumbled around with the radio, and found a station playing Lady Gaga's Monster, as she stretched, and pinned up her hair in a loose knot, thinking maybe dancing for a little bit would make her feel better, would loosen her up or something.

It didn't help, because every single time she closed her eyes, she'd see herself back in high school, dancing in that damn dingy studio that was down the hall from where Jonathan trained at in the afternoon.. And she'd hear him laughing, hear him whistling, making sexually perverse comments to make her blush. Hell, if she tried hard enough, she could even smell the musky sweat that clung to his muscular frame after an intense sparring session, mixing in with his cologne.

If she really tried, she could feel his lips as they wandered down her neck, cool and soft from the bottled water he'd just taken a sip from.

But that was then, this was now. And she growled at herself in frustration, wondering why lately, she seemed to keep living in the past, and she couldn't just be happy with her life presently.

When Aaron wasn't being a jerk or screwing around on her, he was a good guy. He wasn't unpredictable, he wasn't tempermental, and he didn't scare her like Jonathan used to.

But on the other hand, Aaron was also very, very boring. She knew deep down she'd never love Aaron, and probably never anyone else like she had Jonathan. But she kept trying to fall, to make herself feel something, just so she wouldn't sit around pining away for a man who literally walked away from her with no goodbye.

Because doing that was childish and it was pathetic and most of all, it meant that Jonathan won. And Ember was not going to let that happen.

She danced for a little while, and then she started the shower, letting the bathroom get good and steamy, stepping beneath the shower, her hands bracing the wall as she tilted her head downward, let the hot water roll over her body.

And the entire time she stood there, eyes squeezed shut, she pictured the last time she and Jonathan were together, the intensity, heat and passion in the sex, in their bodies coming together... Had he known he was going to leave her then?

Is that why that night seemed so desperate?

As she stepped out of the shower, she bit her lip and packed her suitcases. It was almost time to catch her flight to the show, where she'd be meeting Aaron backstage.

She had no clue who else she'd be running into backstage as well. Had she known, she probably would have called the whole thing off, because she was just that afraid to see him again, to want him and him be within her reach, but yet a million miles away.

She wanted to hate him, but even after he'd walked away, left her behind as if she meant nothing, she could not make herself hate Jonathan.

And that made her sick, even now.

"Get a grip, Ember. You cannot keep thinking about him." she reminded herself sternly as she grabbed her bags and keys, and drove herself to the airport. She was determined to have a good time during her trip, or at the very least, finally break it off with Aaron, if he started treating her badly again.

Because she was strong, she was independent and she did not need someone who treated her the way he did. She'd be better off alone.

Especially when you factored in the fact that she felt nothing near what she had felt for Jonathan, for Aaron. Maybe if she tried harder, she thought to herself..

If he treated her better while she was there, she promised herself she'd try harder. She had to because she was determined NOT to let Jonathan keep having this overpowering pull on her heart and her mind, her emotions, and her lust.

She needed to stop living in the past..

Starting tonight.

The sad thing about this, is that in a few hours, she was going to find out exactly why that was easier said than done. And her life was about to get completely turned inside out by the very man she'd told herself she was done with.


	3. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND PT 2

**AN UNEXPECTED FACE FROM THE PAST  
**

She slunk into the backstage area, her eyes scanning the hallway for Damien, torn between hoping she found him, and hoping she didn't.

They'd continued their argument from the night before, via texts, and she was seriously wondering why in the hell she put up with him when he got this way. And then she reminded herself how scary intense real love was and how badly it hurt when it was gone.

Her cell phone vibrated in her hand, as Pain by 3 Days Grace started to play seconds later. And she collided with someone. Looking up, her breath caught in her throat a moment, and she stared awkwardly at him, but said nothing.

_'You weren't important enough for him to even give a choice when he left, or say goodbye to, so what the hell makes you think he remembers you?' _she thought to herself as she noticed he still stood there too, like he was frozen or something. She studied him, her eyes showing a little annoyance as she put her hand on her hip and tilted her head to one side curiously.

"Are you going to move?"

Dean had been high on the adrenaline rush that always came after a drawn out, sweaty and violent, yet oddly satisfying and intense match. So he'd been reading a text from Sami Callahan when he rounded the corner, and smacked straight into the petite brunette.

She looked familiar... As he searched his brain and thought back, pondering why, she looked up at him, hint of a bitter smirk on her face, and a hurt look in her eyes that she quickly masked with cold and calm.

He heard her ask if he was going to move and for a moment, he wondered why she was acting like she didn't know him..

The fact that he was pissed, and he was still being a cocky prick as per his persona, caused him to answer casually, "Why? So ya can go find someone to fuck?"

Ember blinked and then looked at him. It'd hurt when he said that, but she remembered that he'd never break character on camera...And he probably didn't even remember her.

"I'm here to see Damien. But if your curious, we probably will fuck since he's my boyfriend currently, so the answer to your stupid assumption is yes. Now move." Ember said calmly, and in the coldest and most distant voice she could muster. She wasn't sure why, but she felt the sudden urge to hurt him like he'd hurt her when he left her behind without a good bye.

The words had the desired effect. He was good, but not good enough to hide the quick blaze of jealous rage or the following flash of pain as the words hit their mark and stuck like a knife. Ember smirked, satisfied with herself, and finally, she rolled her eyes, shoved past him.

Dean stood there, watching her walk down the long hallway, as he tried to figure out why the hell she was acting hurt when it was her who didn't write back any of the times he'd written.

He'd actually asked her to come to him several times in the letters and she never responded a single damn time.

Yeah, he'd been stupid enough to let her dad keep them apart.. Yeah, he'd left town without saying goodbye.. But he didn't want to hurt her any worse than he'd hurt her beforehand and her father made a veiled threat that Dean was pretty sure he would make good on, because the guy was a monster.

He just hid it one hell of a lot better than Dean had back then.

He'd had to make a choice, and seeing her tonight, after all the years without seeing her, he was wondering if he made the wrong choice then.

A growl fell from his lips as he watched her with that smarmy fuck Sandow, watched Sandow kissing her, watched him giving her flowers.

"Wonder if you'd be so god damn cocky if she knew your little secret." he muttered to himself as he lightly punched a wall and dug around for his cigarettes and a lighter. He wanted to be alone right now. Seeing her tonight had set him off, set him back, ripped open old wounds he'd only just managed to shove down deep enough to maybe make it through each day.

Her cold voice, those bitter words kept repeating in his mind and he growled in frustration. Somehow, he had to get her back. Tonight was a sign and he was going to take it as such.

Not that he believed in that shit, but he had to at least try. Because her with Sandow when she'd always belonged to him and with him? It was a huge mistake.

He couldn't just stand back and let it happen.

The door to the garage flew open and she stormed out, grumbling to herself as she fumbled around in her pockets with shaking hands for her keys, and jammed her hand into her eyes, trying to cut off the flow of tears.

"He said he wasn't going to do that anymore." she muttered as she sat down in the drivers seat, rested her head on the wheel.

Dean tapped on the glass and when she rolled down the window, he asked with a cold voice much like her own earlier, "Trouble in paradise already?"

"Fuck off."

" Nope."

"I mean it. Just leave me alone." Ember said as she started to try and roll her window back up. He stopped it and then leaned in and whispered, "Drop the act, Ember. You and I both know you know exactly who I am and exactly why I'm not going to leave you alone."

"But you had no problem doing it when you just left town. Why can't you now?"

"You don't know a damn thing, Ember.. But I'm going to let ya keep thinkin exactly what ya want. About me, about why I left, all of it. But know this.. You're mine.. You were mine then, you will always be mine."

"How about no? I mean that promise, Jon.. It was made when I stupidly believed you did love me. You don't love anyone but Jon Good."

She started her car and drove out of the garage, heading back to the hotel. She wasn't sure whether she'd stay, or she'd leave and go back to the apartment she shared with Damien, but she did know that right now, she couldn't be around him.

Another prime example of why men couldn't be trusted. They all lied, they all used you and hurt you and then walked away, and some of them, like her father, were complete and total monsters.

As soon as she'd parked, she realized that Damien sent her a sarcastic text and told her 'not to wait up'.

"Fine, Aaron.. If you're gonna play? I'm gonna play too."

She got out of the car and walked into the hotel, every intention of going into their room and just lying down and crying herself to sleep.

But that didn't exactly happen. Instead, about halfway to the door, she heard a car door slam, heard Jon behind her, yelling.

"Go away." she yelled back before he caught up to her and stopped her.

"Ya know he's fuckin any other girl he can find, right? When did you get stupid as fuck, Ember?"

"Probably right after I realized you were a heartless coward." Ember said as she stormed into the hotel and punched the up button on the elevator, waiting impatiently.

Dean stood there, his hand in his hair as he tried to figure out how the hell to fix things to his advantage again, because he didn't like this situation one bit.

Damien had someone who belonged to him and now, of course, Damien was going to pay. And somehow, he had to prove to Ember that she was completely wrong about him, about why and how he left.

His obsessive personality was not going to allow him to let this alone. Now, he was going to push at this until he got his way, or he decided he didn't want her anymore. Not any sooner. If she thought she was calling the shots?

She was mistaken.

He wasn't letting her go a second time. Not when the first time almost killed him. Even if he kept the pain buried and never talked about her, or show it.

It had almost killed him.

And tonight only proved that it'd been a mistake to let her go.


	4. FROM LOVERS TO NOTHING TO ENEMIES

**FROM LOVERS TO NOTHING TO ENEMIES  
**

Ember rolled her eyes as she rolled over, poolside and saw him towering over her. Sliding an earbud out of her ear, she asked stiffly, "Do you want something, Ambrose.. Or are you trying to use me to get in Sandow's head tonight? Because trust me.. It's not gonna work. He's better than you ever dreamt of being... At everything."

When her words hit the desired mark, she smirked and rolled back over onto her stomach, flipping through the Victoria's Secret in front of her, taking sips of a margarita, blatantly ignoring the staring he was still standing above her, doing.

She'd been here for 3 or 4 days now, and in that time, she'd made it her personal goal to see just how much she could tear him down, how many verbal jabs she could toss at him, taking joy in the fact that he couldn't do a damn thing about it, lest someone in the company, god forbid creative get wind of them having a past tie and throwing her into an angle.

Not to mention his tipping Damien off to the fact that they weren't exactly strangers.

She had an okay thing going with Damien, he was safe, he wasn't always an asshole, and he wasn't borderline insane like Jon (Dean) was. She had stability with Damien.

With Jon (Dean) there had been no guarantee of him even being there when she woke up the next day.

Damien happened to look up at the insistence of Leo Kruger and saw Dean Ambrose lingering around his girlfriend, yet again. "Okay, that does it."

"Go get her in line, Sandow."

Damien smirked, a smug one at that, and nodded as he said "As I intend to do." before walking over and clearing his throat.

"Get lost, Ambrose. Ember's not exactly your type."

"Oh really, Sandow?" Dean muttered, leaning in, smirking. He'd wanted a piece of this asshole for days now, so by now, the need to get his hands on Damien was reaching a fever pitch.

"She's not trash, is she? Now leave." Damien said as he pointed across the pool dismissively, smirking like the smug asshole he was the entire time.

"Sandow? Maybe you don't know ya girl as well as ya think." Dean said as he shifted his gaze to Ember, an unseen hurt look in his eyes for a moment, as the malicious smirk filled his face. Oh he was going to enjoy this, because for days now, she'd been making him miserable with her little remarks, her hanging all over this son of a bitch Sandow like he was a god, even giving him the same looks she used to give him when they dated back then.

It was time she saw who she really belonged with, remembered where she came from. Apparently, her career, all the fame resulting, and her boyfriend being a sports entertainment figure had given her this whole holier than thou attitude and frankly, as Dean looked at her, all he wanted to do right now, was hurt her, knock her down a few pegs, remind her of a few things.

Damien cut his eyes to Ember, angrily as he crossed his arms. "What does he mean, Ember?"

"What he means is that he's obsessed with me, and he can't take a fucking hint, dear." Ember said sweetly as she shot Dean a death glare, and pouted up at Damien, hoping he wasn't about to make a scene. But when his eyes flashed, she knew he'd seen the look she'd given Dean, and she braced herself, because she knew that Damien was about to cut her down in front of everyone.

She decided to walk away, but Damien got a tight grip on her wrist, spinning her around. Everyone was watching now, waiting.

It was no secret to the roster that Damien and Ember often fought, often violently and viciously. And more often than not, Damien got pleasure out of tearing her down in public.

"I asked you a question, Ember.. I expect an honest answer, not a slut's half truth."

"Really, Sandow? You're going to call me a slut when you can't even tell my panties from the panties of the god damn ring rats you bring back to our room and fuck in our bed? Trust me, if I were going to let my inner slut come out to play, Ambrose here? He'd be the last person I'd do that with."

She yanked her wrist free, but Damien did something that surprised them both and grabbed her, leaned in whispered in her ear, "You're lying. And you need to remember, Ember.. You belong to me."

"You're wrong, Damien. I belong to noone. Fuck you and your double standards, the arrogance you have to even assume that one day I wouldn't get sick of you're sticking your dick in anything with a pair of tits, the tearing me down mentally, the verbal abuse. We're done." Ember hissed back as Damien shook his head and said with a smirk, "We're far from over, Ember.. Because you always come back."

Dean watched them self destructing right in front of him with a smug smirk. But he could look at Ember, tell this was hurting her, embarassing her even. So maybe that's why he spoke up and said with a twisted smirk, "If Ember won't tell ya, Sandow.. I guess I should... Ember's my ex girlfriend. We grew up together in Ohio. And I'm betting you couldn't make her scream ya name at night if you tried. But guess what? I did.."

Ember growled and turned on her heel, stood frozen in her spot, glaring at both men. She'd been trying to get out of the scene, get away from both men, but when Dean revealed to god and everyone that was hanging out at the pool that they had a past, she felt all the old hurt, all the old anger rising up again, this time so fast she couldn't stop it.

She stormed back over to the two men, where they stood and put her hand on her hip, a twisted smirk on her face as she looked from Damien to Dean then back again.

"He's right, Damien. About the dating part." Ember said as she licked her lips, smirked and watched as for once the shoe was on the other foot and Damien was the one on the recieving end of brutality and embarassment.

Then she turned to Dean and laughed bitterly as she reached up and trailed her finger over his lower lip and then said calmly, "But make me scream your name? Really? Ambrose... You're giving yourself way too much credit. I faked it.. All of it. Just like you faked being in love with me, just like you lied every single time you promised it'd be me and you against the world."

She watched her words sink in with both men and grabbing her towel, her margarita and her magazine, she nodded curtly and stepped between the two men who were now chest to chest, growling and glaring at one another.

So she hadn't faked it with him.. But he didn't have to know that, right?

Dean shoved Damien one hard time, and the man went back into the pool. Glaring at the bystanders who'd just witnessed every bit of this little scene, he shoved through the now thinning crowd and took off after Ember, catching up to her.

He grabbed her roughly and turned her around.

"Out there.. You know I hate lying, Emmy."

"You hate it? Really, because you're pretty damn good at lying, from where I stand."

Looking up the hallway, then down the hallway, he yanked her down a less crowded part and forcefully crashed his lips against hers, while using his free hand to hold her hips against the wall, as he muttered "You have no idea what you're talkin about Ember."

Ember tried to fight the kiss, but she wound up caving in. When the kiss broke, she slapped him and ran to the elevator, pushing the up button, hurriedly, crying as she did so.

His last remark as they kissed stuck in her mind.. What didn't she know? He left her, no goodbye after he promised not to.

Plain and simple.

She slid her keycard in her room's door and sank down on the bed, going back over everything that just happened, her stomach churning nervously.

Down in the lobby, Dean caught Damien as he came in and then punched him and said in a growl, " You and me, Sandow. I don't want the fucking championship.. This is personal."

Damien chuckled and leaning in he said calmly, "You won't have her, Ambrose. She always comes back to me."

"Wanna bet, Sandow?"

"I'm not a betting man, Ambrose, but this isn't speculation on my part. It's fact. No matter what I do to her, she keeps coming back. It's pathetic, actually."

Dean growled, but Roman grabbed him and got him to the other side of the lobby. "Are you fucking insane?"

"No, just not going to let that son of a bitch treat her like.." Dean said as Roman raised his brow at the 'explosion' of rage.

"It's not your damn business, Ambrose."

"Oh, but see, Leakee, that's where you're wrong."

"Oh really? You can't be after more than a one night stand."

"Just stay the fuck out of this Leakee, I work alone."

Dean stormed off through the lobby, going outside, sitting on the sidewalk, lighting a cigarette. He was so mad he was shaking and all he wanted to do was splatter Damien's brains on the pavement. He needed to cool down.

He needed to think and most importantly, he needed a plan, because as he stated before, he let her go once, not entirely on his own choice, but for her own safety, her own good, and damn it, he had another chance, he wasn't about to go and let her go again.


	5. I HATE THAT I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU

**I HATE THAT I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU  
**

Ember tossed in bed, her dreams tormented by her memories of Jon before he became Dean. This frustrated her, because everything she tried to get over him, to stop caring about him, it was all for nothing. Because she lie there, alone in an enormous hotel bed at 2 am, with her lips and skin still burning from his kiss and his touch earlier. Swearing, she sat up and threw a pillow at the wall in disgust with herself. She'd told herself that if she ever crossed his path again, he wouldn't get under her skin like this, she wouldn't get sucked back in.

But damn it if she weren't apparently just doing that. She stood and felt around for her silk robe and pulled it on, wandering out onto the balcony of her hotel room with a bottle of whiskey from the mini bar and stood there, just looking up at the sky, lost in thought. Right now, she only knew two things for certain and one of them was that earlier, when he'd kissed her, when he'd said she didn't know what she was talking about, she got the distinct feeling that he was either fucking with her mind again, or there was something he wasn't telling her.

She'd been trying to figure that out all after noon and so far, she'd gotten nowhere. "No sense in worrying, because my flight back home is tomorrow. I couldn't be happier to be getting the fuck away from both of those assholes." she grumbled as she sighed in discontent. Even saying that, she knew she was only lying to herself. Aaron(Damien) would only say and do all the right things, and suck her right back into his arms.

This brought about the second thing she knew for certain.. Apparently, her taste in men was completely shit. She'd either wound up getting hurt, or getting involved with a man who ruined any other man for her, the latter type being Jon(Dean).

Because he had done that. He'd ruined her for any other man, and as much as she tried, she couldn't hate him for it. Growling in disgust, she heard the door on the next balcony sliding open and she groaned when she saw the devil of her present thoughts himself, Jon(Dean) stepping out onto the balcony.

The scowl formed on her face and she muttered to herself, turning to walk back into her own room. But, he noticed her before she got a chance to.

The blonde he left the arena with walked out, giggling like an idiot. Ember rolled her eyes, and watched them, trying to ignore the feeling of jealousy, the urge to claw the little blonde's eyes out. But it overwhelmed her and she found herself calling out coldly, "Do you two mind? Not everyone wants to see you fuck."

"Aww, look, someone's jealous." The blonde said back as she nuzzled against Dean, who looked at her, gave her a dismissive eye roll when she wasn't looking up at him.

Dean whispered something to the girl and she went quiet. Ember smirked and slunk slowly to their end of the balcony, leaning out to say with a smirk, "Why would I be jealous? I've been there, done him already.. And trust me.. He's not that great.."

Dean growled at Ember, but Ember gave him that hurt look, and turned, slinking back into her own room. He glared at the blonde he'd picked up at the arena after the show, and then said "Changed my mind. Not in the fuckin mood tonight. Get outta here."

She glared at him and then pouted and Dean snarled, "Go." as he pointed to the door. Once the girl was out of his room, he threw a bottle at the wall, shattering the bottle as he sat down, fumed about Ember's nerve just now.

And then he stood, walked to the bathroom that adjoined their suite, as per his arrangement with the front desk earlier when he checked in, and snatched the door open.

"The hell?" Ember squeaked as he came storming into her room and grabbed her up, dragging her across to his.

"We're gonna fuckin talk, Emmy."

"We have nothing to discuss, Dean" Ember said frostily, pausing as she said calmly, "It's Jon I'd rather talk to.. Not this bastard he's let himself become."

The words stung Dean and he looked at her, then said "Ya had a lot to do with the bastard takin over."

"How? You're the one who left me with no goodbye, no letters, no nothing. And seeing what you let yourself become just to get where you are now? I want nothing to do with this 'new' you."

She turned and walked away, Dean trying to grab her, failing in doing so. The door slammed and what she said hit him.

So she hadn't gotten any thing he'd sent her. The male trashed his room, furious now, because her father hid the letters. He had to have, it was the only logical explanation. The man had never liked him, and he'd never liked them together.

Then again, her father didn't like anyone who didn't treat her like complete shit. Who came in between his influence over her, and the things Jon(Dean) knew he tried, and did to her.

Suddenly, he got the feeling that this was going to be much harder than he originally thought. But not entirely impossible.

First, though, he had to get Sandow out of the picture completely. He'd do that in the ring. Maybe if he did that, she'd warm up a little.

In her own room, she sank down and cried. She was just realizing how much it hurt her to see him being the way he was right now, and it wasn't just onscreen. He was really turning into this asshole, this monster and it scared her.

And even knowing this, she couldn't make herself stop loving him and wanting to fix things, even when she hadn't been the one to break them.

She sighed and rolled over on the bed, and wondered why he looked so shocked when she confronted him just now when he'd stormed in.

He hadn't written her, if he had, she'd have gotten the letters, right?

She finally had to sleep, she'd had an emotionally draining day.. But all night, she found herself going back ot the look on his face when she'd mentioned his leaving the way he had, or losing touch as if what they had didn't matter.

Something was going on, and now, she was determined to figure out what.


	6. LETTING GO PT 1

**LETTING GO OF THE PAST PT 1  
**

Ember looked at Damien with a furious glare and her hand on her hip before bursting into laughter at the roses he held out in his hand.

"This? Seriously? This is supposed to make up for everything you've put me through? Not even close." Ember said as she started to close the door only to have his hand stop it from closing, and have him step into the room.

"Just hear me out, Ember." Aaron(Damien) asked, his eyes sincere, as he sighed and paced then said "I know I've been an asshole."

"A huge asshole." Ember corrected almost immediately, her eyes not giving an inch, still holding every single bit of the fury they'd held when she'd been roused from her sleep by Damien Sandow shouting at her doorway, drunkenly.

She'd let him in, of course, and he'd passed out. Like usual.

Ember had toyed with the idea of undressing him and shoving him out on the balcony then going to check out of her room, catch her flight back home as if she'd done nothing, but she heard him muttering her name in his sleep, and she of course, softened and wanted to take care of him.

Which naturally made him think that he still had a chance. And they'd argued all morning since. Nothing really new there, but Ember was scared if she stayed any longer, that she'd fall prey to his charm, and wind up back under his thumb.

Aaron(Damien) leaned in and tried to kiss Ember who flinched away. "Damien get out now. I'm leaving in 2 hours. Do not call me, do not visit. We're done. This time, I mean it."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes, you jackass. I just said it, didn't I? I'm done with the cheating, the lies, the way you tear me down in front of everyone and make me look like an idiot."

"I won't do that anymore, I promise." he said as Ember glared and rolled her eyes. Today, she just wasn't in the mood to hear it. He sighed and then said quietly, "It's not over." in a firm tone of voice, getting this odd look in his eyes as he turned and stormed out of the room.

Ember rubbed her arms, then started to pack. She needed to get as far away from Tampa as she could, and she needed to do it now, before one man or the other tried something and she gave in, her will weakened.

Satisfied that she had everything, she grabbed her keycard, and walked down to the lobby, signing out. Then she walked down to the parking lot, got into her car and drove away, heading to the airport. She wasn't looking back and she wasn't stopping this time. She was done with all of this fuckery, every last bit of it.

Both of them could kiss her ass.

Or at least she THOUGHT this.. Then she parked at the airport, and found Dean parking two spaces over. She growled to herself, and grabbed her stuff, pretended not to hear him as she dashed into the terminal and found the line for weigh in baggage.

But she felt a tap to her shoulder.

"Here." he said as he shoved something into her hands then turned and walked away, not saying another word. He'd just given her the letters he'd written, all stamped return to sender. The last letter hadn't ever been mailed though, because it was personal. He'd hoped to give it to her face to face one day. Why not now?

In it was basically everything he felt but never said, as well as some things he wanted to tell her in person. And another page he'd written drunkenly the night before, and added.

He'd more or less just done this to finally move on. Apparently, she hated him, without reason, because obviously her father never gave her any of his letters. At least now she'd know that he did write. That he had loved her, and that she'd been lied to.

He didn't stick around because deep down, he didn't want to see her throw them in the garbage. He had this feeling that sticking around wouldn't make her change her mind about leaving either, and maybe she needed to do that for now.

Maybe they weren't destined for one another. He'd hoped to hell they were, but obviously, she didn't agree.

Ember stared at the thick stack of letters in her hands, then at his retreating back. She knew she should go after him, do something, but her feet wouldn't move. She bit her lip and found a seat after her bags had been weighed in.

And taking a deep breath, she opened the first letter and began to read. She didn't stop reading once she was on the plane..

And by the time the plane landed in California, she felt completely stupid. And angry with her father. True, he was a monster, true, he'd done sick things to her, but this... This somehow made her angrier than a lot of the things he'd done, with the exception of the sickest things, of course.. This was worse than any lie she'd ever been told.

By the time she reached her apartment, she felt drained completely, and grabbing a bottle of tequila, she sank down on the couch with the last letter, the thickest of the letters by far, and started to read...


	7. LETTING GO PT 2

**LETTING GO OF THE PAST PT 2  
**

Dean sat in his room, staring at his hands, wondering if she'd read the letters, or if she'd thrown them away, as he drank from a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting beside an already empty bottle, on the table in front of him.

"God damn it." he muttered as he punched the table, reminded himself that he was letting her go. If she wanted him back, she was going to have to approach him first. Jonathan was done being hurt by the people in his life, and maybe just maybe Dean was going to take over from here on out.

He looked at a picture strip from a mall photo booth, old and creased, worn out from age and growled. Why didn't anything ever work out like he wanted? The only thing he had now was his career, and seeing her again for the past two weeks had made him realize that maybe to the remnants of himself that he kept buried deep down in the bottom of his heart, shoved in the back of his mind just so it wouldn't fucking kill him every single hour of every day, his career wasn't enough.

The door was knocked on and he heard Roman Leakee outside, "Man if you don't open this fucking door, I swear to God I'll ram it."

"Fuck off, Leakee."

"Ambrose, this is not the time for some of your crazy shit. Get your ass out of there now, we have a meeting with creative! Or did you fucking go on a bender, forget that?"

"Fuck it all."

"Ambrose, look.. I know you're feeling like shit right now.. But she knows, man.. At least she knows you wrote." Leakee tried again, not even sure why he was bothering with the selfish bastard anymore. Then he remembered their meeting.

The promise of a rise to the main roster.. And Dean.. he could use the good news right now. In some ways, Roman felt bad for the poor guy.

Seth growled as he saw the door still closed. "That's it, god damn it." he muttered as he got a running start, and went to kick the door open, only to fall short when Dean opened it, his eyes hazy from an all night drinking binge.

"She's gone."

"We know."

"I gave 'em to her. She ain't called, nothing." Dean muttered as he stared at them then said, "Fuck it.. I'm sick of waitin. Let's go see creative.."

"Fuck yes. Now there's giving no fucks Ambrose." Seth cheered as Roman gave him a warning look and said calmly, "Seth.. Do not encourage him. We fucking need him sober. Clear?"

"If he's sober he's going to mope around over that chick. And I've waited too damn long for a chance to let his "broken heart" ruin it, Leakee."

"Seth, I'm going to spear you if you don't shut up."

"Roman, if you spear me.."

"You'll what, midget?" Roman growled as Seth sighed and said "Look.. You're right, Roman.. But he's got us now.. We'll figure something out, okay? Let's just focus on the fact that we got him out of his room for the first time in almost two days."

"Good plan."

Dean stopped and looked at them then said calmly, "Who needs one girl when I can get them all now, right?"

Roman started to say something, but Dean said quietly, "Nevermind." and they made it to the lobby of the hotel, then out to the parking lot.

Dean grumbled as he did as Roman demanded and tossed him the keys.

"I ain't drunk."

"Yeah? Well you're not sober either, Ambrose so get your fucking ass in. I'll drive."

"Fucking jerk."

"Jerk I may be, but at least we'll make it to the meeting in one piece." Roman muttered as the three men drove towards NXT Creative Offices, discussing what they thought the meeting might be about... They knew they were all debuting to the main roster soonish, but they didn't know details yet..

Dean saw Damien in the hallway, waiting, and he growled and without wasting any time, he punched the man. Roman grabbed him before he could get in any more punches, and then the door opened.

The head writer gestured them all in, and first explained their upcoming individual storylines, and then the one they'd be doing for their debut.

And then he asked to speak to just Dean and Damien.

"You two are going to feud."

Dean smirked and Damien glowered with happiness. "Fine by me." Dean said as he stood and walked back out into the hallway, to Roman and Seth.

"So boys.. Looks like we're gonna be in a stable together."

"Yeah."

"I can't wait to do this."

Once they were all back at the hotel, Dean found the hotel bar, and proceeded to get completely and totally drunk. He didn't want to feel, he didn't want to think, he was sick of seeing her every time he closed his damn eyes.

He just wanted to be his character. Numb, ice cold and unfeeling. Not give a shit about anyone but himself. Life was better that way, and it'd been going great until the night he crossed paths with her again.

Little did he realize that everything was about to completely turn around, and do a 180, because in giving her the letters, and adding to that one he never mailed, he'd shown a side of himself that Ember thought was gone, completely lost to her.

And things were only going to get even more complicated from here...


	8. LETTING GO PT 3

**LETTING GO OF THE PAST PT 3  
**

_Emmy,_

_God you have no idea how much I miss ya. I miss the way you laugh, the way you're always stealin my shirts and shit and the way ya kiss me.. It's been 2 years now, I should probably stop writin ya, but I can't get ya out of my head. No matter how much pain I put myself through in that damn ring, it hurts nowhere nearly as bad as comin back to my apartment here, findin another letter ya sent back._

_Why? can't ya at least tell me that? Did ya dad get to ya? Babe, if he threatened me, ya don't have to worry.. I'll handle that motherfucker when I'm around him again.. I hate not knowing more than anything, because it means that anything could have happened.. If he hurt you, I'm gonna fucking murder him, babe, I swear to Christ. If I'd been able to, I'd have taken you with me when I left, but you know like I do he could have tracked us down, and you'd have been forced to go right back to Ohio.  
_

_(sighs, continues writing), Look, all I'm sayin is if we're done, at least tell me, huh babe? If you don't love me anymore, at least say it, damn it. I'll never stop loving you and I'll be here, waiting. I know I say and act other wise, but we both know I can't leave ya... Not emotionally at least. You stole my heart, Emmy. It's fucking gone, and I don't know what to do now.. If you left me too, babe.._

_Look.. I know I can't say this like I should, out loud, to your face, but damn it, Ember, I love ya. I've always loved ya, and I'm never gonna stop. Even when you send the letters back. That's stupid, I know, but I figured I'd tell ya now. If you're happy without me, let me know, I'll quit writing, babe._

_Jon_

_Emmy,_

_Seeing ya again, after all that time.. With him.. It made me sick. And you looked at me like you hated me. I didn't know what happened until I thought about it later that night, and realized that your dad must have sent 'em all back by himself, and ya never saw a single letter I wrote. But Sandow? That motherfucker's not worth you, trust me. If you really love 'im, I can deal with it, but I can look at ya and tell you're not happy. Why stay?_

_Guessing you hate me now, and probably think I forgot about ya. Well, I didn't. And I can't. And seeing you cry after he went off on ya like that backstage, there is no way in hell I'm gonna just sit back and let it be over for us. Somehow, god damn it, I'm gonna prove that I love ya, that I can be the guy I was, (Okay, maybe, try not to fuck up as much as I did) and that what we had is real and it's not over._

_I heard you're gonna leave today, so I added this and I'm gonna give you all the letters. If you still leave, I can't say I didn't try, right? I just hope ya don't throw 'em away and not read anything, because I miss you. I can't just lie here with you right next door and pretend that you're out there somewhere. I want to be over there right now so badly that if i didn't have all this god damn restraint, babe.._

_Well, you know what'd happen. I'm not gonna lie, I've been with other girls since we lost touch, but none of them have or will ever come close to you. I know I always made you feel like you were second, sometimes even third when we were together, but if I had another chance to do it all over again, I would. You have to believe that. _

_No matter what, I love you. Even if I refuse to say it out loud. Even when I'm making you feel like shit when I see you backstage with that motherfucker. It's because I love you and I hate seeing his god damn hands on you, watching you cry when you see him screwin around with another girl. I hate seeing him kiss you and I hate the way you look at me like I've changed._

_I only changed because I had to learn to live like this to stop hurting so god damn much. And I'm not gonna do something stupid and beg, but I miss you and I love you and I hope that now that you have all the letters that you never got, you'll make up your own mind, one way or the other._

_I'll be here, waiting._

Ember sighed as she reread the letter again and flopped back against the couch in her new apartment. She hadn't seen Dean nor Damien in almost a month by this point, and she was just trying to figure out what she wanted to do. She wasn't happy, she never slept at night, and the worst part of it was that now she constantly watched him on tv. He was in a feud with Damien right now, and she suspected that the largest part of it stemmed from her having been there.

She'd just stood and grabbed her beer when her cell phone vibrated. She picked up and then said "What is it, Maxine?"

"Dean's about to get his ass thrown out of the arena, maybe off the roster. He went completely postal tonight in the match with Damien."

"I saw most of it."

"Yeah, they cut out over half of it because it kept going well into the break." Maxine said breathlessly as she watched the ongoing fight, watched the roster breaking up the two men.

"What's that noise?"

"They're still fighting."

"Is he okay? Damien's not hurting him, is he?" Ember asked, her tone filled with worry even though she tried to pretend she was neutral.

"He's fine. Angry as hell, but fine."

"Maxine, why'd you call tonight?" Ember asked, as she took a huge gulp of the beer and sat on a stool at the kitchenette's counter.

"Because, Ember.. This entire thing is about to blow out of control. He's just.. Look, he used to be at least halfway decent to get along with when the cameras weren't rolling, Em.. Now, nobody can stand to be around him for long periods of time. And I know.."

"You know what?"

"Look, I'm not stupid.. I know that despite our talks when you were here, you still love the guy, god only knows why.. He needs you. You need him. Come on, Em, be honest.. What have you really been doing since you moved to New Orleans?"

Ember paused and thought about the question.. What had she been doing? If she really thought about it, she'd been going through the motions since the day in the airport he'd handed her the letters and walked away.

She cried a lot, and she hardly slept at night, she constantly wondered if she were making a huge mistake, but then the fear that she'd be getting into another situation like the one she'd just gotten out of would take over, and she'd talk herself out of going to him like she really wanted.

"And this girl he's seeing. Oh god, she's just.. It's disgusting. And you can tell he could give a flying fuck less about her." Maxine continued, knowing Ember was jealous by nature.

"Whoa, wait.. He's with someone?"

"Not exactly.. I mean they're fucking, but yeah.."

"Damn it, Maxine.." Ember muttered as they talked a little while longer, and finally hung up. She stared at the slip of paper in front of her, Maxine had given her Dean's cell phone number..

When she called, a girl answered.. The girl sounded drunk and so did Dean when he yelled out in the background, "Who is it, babe?"

"Who is this?"

"Ember"

"Some girl named Ember. Probably a wrong number." Serafina said as she hung up the phone. Dean's eyes widened and he sobered up as he heard the girl he'd been seeing, Sera say the name Ember.

"It wasn't a wrong number, Sera."

"Well? You're kinda busy."

"Not any damn more. Out."

"Dean?"

"Get out now, Sera, god damn it."

"But?"

"Go. I need to be alone." Dean muttered as he raked his hand through his hair, wondered if he should call her back or just forget it. But he was curious. Why wait two months and call?

Had she seen the show tonight on tv?

He winced as his rib ached and he fumbled around for the phone. Sera had just left, angrily, and he sighed as he picked up the phone and went back through the recent calls.

"That little bitch erased the number." he growled as he slammed his fist against the nightstand and rolled over onto his side in the bed. He got a bitter taste in his mouth from what he was about to do, because he hated Maxine, a friend of Ember's made while she was here with Damien..

"What do you want, Ambrose?" maxine hissed as she picked up the phone and slid up in the bubble bath she'd been enjoying.

"Gimme Ember's number. I know ya got it."

Maxine sighed and rolling her eyes said "What makes you think I want you making her miserable?"

"Give me the god damn number, Maxine, now."

"Fine." Maxine said as she found her contacts list and then recited the number back to him. "Is that all?"

"Yeah."

He hung up and Maxine glared at the phone. "Bastard could have thanked me. And again, I wonder why in the hell it has to be him?"

Dean dialed the number, and it went to voicemail. Gritting his teeth, he took a sip of the whiskey that sat in front of him and left a message. Maybe she'd call back.

He had to hope, right?


	9. NOTE TO MY READERS!

**CONCLUSION OF PART ONE AUTHORS NOTES  
**

_To all of you who read and added the first part of this series to your notes, I love you all so much. It encouraged me to keep going and to start work on the second part of the series. I'm not sure how many parts there will be to this, actually, but I thought it'd be easier to break down rather than to write one long drawn out thing._

_Bearing that in mind, I wanna thank YourXNightmareXHasXArrived and my anonymous reviewer, and Pinyaprincessa for their reviews! Also, you should go check out their own stories, as I have, and they're awesome!_

_So, the second part of the series is coming up shortly.. You guys ready? I'm excited. Kind of why I left this one on a cliffhanger._

_Love_

_Explicit.._


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